August 27th Constance, Bavaria

Well, we were off. Mike/Mother/Sloth/Uncle Bumble ran us the kilometre and a half to Kentsh Town railway station and that was the most dangerous part of the trip completed. For those who do not know this kind, generous man he has a few faults and the inability to drive safely is certainly a major one.

We were heading for Luton airport and a trip planned to start in Germany and go through Austria, Slovakia, Hungary, Serbia, Bulgaria and Roumania so naturally we flew to Zurich! This was because Zurich is the nearest airport to the start of the route and Bart has an old university friend in the nearby city of Winterthur. I had met Rob before but only briefly; he is a good host despite being a racist who kept banging on about various different groups of whom he thinks very little. His girlfriend, Katerina, arrived on the second day we were there and said that she was pleased to see us, but this did seem to be based on the fact that we were leaving the following day! The first day had been somewhat wasted by Rob waiting for us on a different part of the railway station than we were waiting for him. Naturally, we do not have mobile phones with us. However, the day was rather enhanced by the evening "snack" - rosti, which is basically a layer of sliced fried potatoes with whatever you order on top, in our case cheese and fried egg - loooverly. Katerina, who is German, created some rather nice pastry concoction which we were also unfamiliar with for our other dinner time "snack".

During the second day, we had got down to the serious business of finding our means of transportation for the trip. We were offered a blow up transportation device for 3,500 Swiss Francs (€3,100 , £2,800 or £4,000 US). I had been hoping for something with fewer noughts in it but one of the principles of an adventure trip is "Do no serious research". We declined the kind offer but this did establish the principle the our blow up device could easily be taken on trains and planes, could be taken back to the UK and, doubtless, sold on ebay.

Lovely walk back to Rob's flat about 6 km out of town. Naturally we did not follow any known path but went up a hill, round the top and down. Bart was truly amazed when we came out at the restaurant that had provided the previous night's "snack", one km from Rob's flat.

The following day we bought a train ticket to our starting point but, just before arriving at a station at which we had to change trains, we suddenly went across a river that we correctly guessed was the Rhine. The only trouble was that there was a dramatic drop in water level of about 20 metres, not really a waterfall but too steep to be called a rapid. It serioulsy put the shits up us for we are going to be travelling by water from the source of the Danube to the Black Sea, a distance of 2,800 kilometres. The Danube starts where two rivers join together and the name Danube (or, rather, Donneau in Germany) is first used. The Rhine before it reaches Rhine Fall (as we subsequently learned it is called) had been running quite a few kms before reaching this horror. What awaited us on the Danube? We were suddenly seriously nervous.

Anyway, we didn't get on the other train at Singen to our starting point but asked about buying a canoe. We got directed to a town on Lake Constance. There a guy hiring canes wasn't interested in selling anything to us and the local canoe club only had singles (we wanted a double kayak) so it was on to Constance (Konstanza in German).

Enter Raimond. Raimond works for the canoe shop in the middle of an industial estate in Konstanza. Bart speaks good German so they drivelled away in foreign for a while looking at things that had three noughts involved but it didn't take long for Raimond to realise what was called for and took us round the back where there was a battered old Canadian Canoe for €200 and English became the forum of communication. Obvioulsy, the one for us. Well not so obviously, except for the price. I would have actually preferred a two man kayak. A kayak sits lower in the water and you paddle on both sides alternately with a double headed paddle. This is inherently more stable and a lot faster than a Canadioan canoe but who cares. Neither Bart nor I have ever been in the type of craft, using a single paddle each, that we will venture forth in.

Bart and I retired to celebrate our succes, returning a couple of hours later to suffer a disappointment; Raimond's friend wasn't heading towards the source of the Danube at the weekend so we would have to arrange transport oursleves. "We will be back tomorrow".

Raimond told us where there was a good campsite by the lake and off we went back on the half hour walk into town in the heat that Bart had been suffering from since we arrived in Zurich - I don't suffer, I just drink more beer. Between getting on the train for the fifteen minute ride, ten minutes to walk and check into the campsite and fifteen minutes to put the tent up, the wind had got up to something approaching a gale and the temperature had dropped from the mid-thirties to the mid-twenties.

A quiet evening having a couple of beers was ruined by a trio doing terrible covers of 60s and 70s songs. I thought that the girl fronting them was quite pretty. Bart's comment "Anybody who is that full of themselves cannot be attractive." Bart retired before me into the two man tent that I had brought. He vacated that, however, when my night noises became too pronounced and got into his bivvy bag. (A bivvy bag is, essentially, a canvass sack for one person; it covers your whole body and is, in theory, waterproof. Just don't expect to breath.) However, the heavy rain that reduced the temperature further proved too much for the bivvy bag and Bart crawled back into the tent about 5 a.m. and proceeded to sleep very well.

Today, no taxi company in town would admit to both having a roof rack and be willing to take us to the start. Car hire companies do not have roof racks and the posh boat sale place won't hire us a trailer. Back to Raimond. We offer him €150 to take us to the source. He doesn't have a car but one of the other guys, Chris, does and he will take us on Monday, his day off. Whilst we sort out things like fibre glass repair kit and screw top plastic barrel Raimond looks up the guide book. There is a six km bit of the river soon after the start that is closed. Carrying a 40kg boat with about 40kg of crap in it for 6kms is not very appealing. Chris then chips in that there is a section a bit further down where the river disappears underground. This does not appeal either but the deal is done. We buy the canoe, bits and pieces etc. and we will go back on Monday morning for Chris to take us somewhere near Ulm, where the river becomes navigable! Price has not yet been agreed. However, Raimond persuaded us to buy a book. Bart has ignored it but my complete mastery of the German dialect of the foreign language has lead me to conclude that "navigable" is not the same as "easy". (For those that don't know there are two languages in the world - English & Foreign.) The German dialect for "lock" and "sluice" appears to be the same word and there are a good many of the aforementioned "sluices" dropping five or six metres at a time so I am fully confident that we will have complete control of our (as yet unnamed) craft at these vital moments. The fact that a couple of the sluices are also hydro-electic power stations is of no concern. As I write this on Saturday at the end of day four, Bart has retired unconcerned to get a couple of hours good sleep. I am wondering what on earth we have let ourselves in for!

Still, we will be glad to stop travelling with no rucksacks and start using our barrel. Thinking we would be in kayaks with no spce for rucksacks our luggage is carried in bin bags taped up with gaffa tape. This does not enhance our air of respectability.

One other thing. Only once, in a tourist information office have we heard anything other than the varied mangled versions of the German dialect being spoken (Raimond and Chris excepted) - predominatly Swiss and Bavarian. It is unusual, even I have to try and communicate in such a fashion.

An Update

I am about to go off on my next little adventure but thought that a quick update on my activities in the last year might be of little or no interest.

I was back from Italy for a relatively short space of time and then off to Guangzhou for a month of teaching English, deputising for a yankee friend who needed to visit Iowa. Imagine anybody needing to visit Iowa. This was excellent (teaching English, not visiting Iowa) and reminded me how much I enjoy teaching English. I managed to see a few friends and sample a few San Miguels. The thing that made the greatest impression though was the changes. It was a year since I had last been there and, even for Guangzhou, the rate of change was phenomenal. There are now ten tube lines (there was one when I arrived in 2001) and a whole area had been swept away to put some decent sized open space between the financial centre and the river. Typically Chinese, they had not got everything quite right. I had to step over a "temporary" water pipe across the path, most of the fish in the ponds were dead because the water was not aerated properly etc. but basically they had done a good job. There were new museums, libraries, sports stadia as well. This was all done(at least it provided the excuse) because Guangzhou held the Asian Games last November. Naturally I did not take my camera so...

A boozy weekend in Antwerp. Thoroughly recommended. Look out for the Kwakanater. Not for the feint-hearted and even I think a weekend is enough.

Christmas in Tenerife. Lovely place at that time of the year. Nothing spectacular because I didn't even attempt to climb the highest mountain in Spain. Very Spring like. Took my camera but....

A quick work trip to Prague. Haven't been for close to twenty years. Lovely city with beer nearly as good as Belgium but camera. See above.

Then it was two trips as tour host for some friends from China.

The first was Tanzania. I lived there for a couple of years in the mid-seventies and went back ten years ago. Ten years ago progress was noticeable and has continued BUT.

There are no slim traffic cops and the buses get stopped regularly. Helan, my young Chinese friend with whom I was travelling got her camera grabbed in the Dar-es-Salaam equivalent of Oxford Street at 9.30 on the second evening. It was rather a surprise to find myself running down the street shouting "mwezi, mwezi" (thief, thief) and closing in on this character. Naturally I stopped when Helen shouted "Ed, he has got a knife". Nothing to do with me being knackered, obviously. We got the camera back at the cost of three dollars but that is a long story.

Those who were on the trip to Tanzania ten years ago will remember the hassle at Arusha bus station. With only two of us and it being dark it was much worse. I caught a guy opening the zip of my pocket which contained my wallet (the pocket, not the zip) and confronted him. Of course he did nothing (although he was half my age and a big strong... and could have beaten shit out of me but why bother, it was a risk free attempted crime.)

Apart from those minor issues it was a great trip.



That is the closest I have ever been to a cheetah in the wild. Yes, it was habituated to the vans but still areal highlight for me,

I also like the five legged elephant.

We had an excellent time and I missed my calling as a tour guide (see later). I failed to get up Mt. Meru, although Helen did, and we went to Zanzibar where there were Aldabran turtles (slightly smaller than Galapagos turtles) and a brilliant festival. I am not into music as much as many of you but I do rather like driving drums and big fat Mammas singing and swinging their hips. Anybody up for next year?

Next was another Chinese visitor, Bill, who came to Europe. Interlaken is wonderful. The whole area around the Jungfrau, Monch & Eiger is the best walking area in the Alps - no arguement is permitted. Ibex from about 5 metres away, the best avalanche either of us have seen, stunning views. Shame about the cost and the food.

Munich was beer halls and gardens - an education for Bill. The BMW factory with robots making cars was excellent.

Nuremberg is a lovely city. The museum explaining the rise of Natsiism is pretty good but the remains are not great. Lovely place though, despite Bomber Harris's best efforts on Jan 5th 1945. After Bill had been consistently met by huge slabs of meat elsewhere, he was very happy to find an area that specialised in fish and beer.

Personally, I liked wandering in to a church at 10.30. p.m. and seeing the silent version of "Doctor Jekyll & Mr Hide" but what do I know.